Invitation to the Cookout

We all have that freeloading relative who shows up empty handed but takes home all the leftovers, right? Well, one man learns the hard way why you can’t accept every invitation to the cookout.

The episode stars Anthony "Spice" Adams, an American television host, actor, comedian, and former professional football player known for his viral sketches (Ballers, The Great American Baking Show, Inside the Bears) 

Key members of our cast for this episode include Chicago broadcast legend and Paramount’s "The Chi" alum, La Donna Tittle, voiceover veteran kittie KaBoom, aka the "Cita" in BET's groundbreaking "Cita's World." 

THE CAST: 
GREATMOMMA (NARRATOR): T.J. Pryor-Wells
MARCUS: Spice Adams
AUNT SUGAR:  La Donna Tittle
AUNTIE DEJA: kittie KaBoom
BIG E: Matt Henson
KALI: Julianni Wyche
JJ: Rick Davis Sr. 
BIG MOMMA: Ya’Lita Thompson
JASON: Reason Dixon
POLICE OFFICER: Desiree Taylor
COUSIN RICK: Dante Reid-Morgan
SHEILA: Sharon McKay-Anguin
MARCUS’S EX-GIRLFRIEND: Sasha Leslie

Created, written and directed by The Kyles Sisters (Kyra Kyles and Kozi Kyles), two siblings raised on horror and Black folklore.  
Myth Lab Entertainment
Sound Design/mixed by Casey Baker

Intro/Outro Music “The Bayou’s Lament” by: Guillermo Cueva
Additional Music:
“Mr. Boogeyman" | WSSWUHU3LTDX883U
“It Takes Two To Party” | YZZEWA2OLGYG10D6
“Witches Can Fly” | GZV5QEUFNVDMMOIG

Your holidays are numbered... Follow @mythlabent on TikTok and Instagram. Friend us on Facebook at Myth Lab Entertainment. 

Transcript

Greatmomma 0:08

Myth Lab Entertainment presents... Home for the Holidays. Invitation to the Cookout.

Partygoers 0:14

Marcus, Marcus, Marcus, Marcus!!!!

Marcus 0:24

Hey y'all, stop now! Why don't y'all let me go down the Squawk and Squeal and get y'all some rib tips? They got a sale on oxtails. Wait, what y'all doing over there? Stoooppp!!!! Come on, y'all don't want to do this... Stop! Stop!

Greatmomma 0:54

It was the perfect day for a cookout. Nothing but blue skies and sun. All the cousins were present. Well, all except one. That was my great-great-nephew Marcus, known for his jokes and his charm. But he was banned from this party, though he meant no real harm. You see, Marcus loved family outings. He was often the first one to show. The problem was, he arrived empty-handed, but left with the leftovers in tow.

Marcus 1:26

Hey, hey, Auntie, how you doing? Where's Unc at? He must be getting the party started, huh?

Auntie Deja 1:32

Damn, Marcus. Not everyone has eaten yet.

Marcus 1:37

Sorry, Auntie Deja. You know, I don't cook, so I figured I'd try to get me enough for lunch tomorrow.

Auntie Deja 1:42

Looks more like a week to me. Put some of that back.

Greatmomma 1:48

Auntie Deja was fed up and demanding. She felt that for too long the family was too understanding. She felt bad that his mother, her oldest sister, had passed last year. But Marcus made good money and wouldn't bring a six-pack of beer. Making it worse, he would always bring a guest. A different girlfriend every time. His Aunt Deja felt like she was running a charity because her nephew didn't cough up a dime.

Auntie Deja 2:16

Marcus, could you at least bring the paper plates?

Marcus 2:21

You know that's bad for the environment, Auntie.

Greatmomma 2:24

Big Momma, Deja's mother, tried to intercede on his behalf. But as she got older and exited the kitchen, Deja saw her opportunity at last.

Big Momma 2:35

You know men mature slower than women.

Auntie Deja 2:38

Mama, he's damn near 40.

Greatmomma 2:42

She convinced Big Mama to shadow ban him until he learned to share. He wasn't completely oblivious. He always brought Tupperware. At first, Marcus didn't notice until the invites were much fewer in number. He ate all the hot dogs at Juneteenth. Deja told him he was banned for the summer.

Marcus 3:02

Damn, Deja, you were my mama's favorite sister.

Auntie Deja 3:06

I was her only sister. Bye, Marcus. See you at Thanksgiving. If you bring a dish.

Greatmomma 3:15

Marcus wasn't defeated by what Deja said. He hatched another plan instead. No spoilers, as the folks on the TikToks will say. But his efforts to join another family cookout are legend to this day.

Police Officer 3:40

Ma'am, I'm sorry to disturb you. But when is the last time you saw Marcus Allen?

Aunt Sugar 3:46

Please don't call me ma'am. Everyone calls me Aunt Sugar. Marcus. Marcus, oh yes. He's such a sweet boy. He stopped by for the fourth, but there were so many of us here. I don't even know what time it was when he left.

Police Officer 4:06

Well, I understand from some of your other family members that you had just met Marcus and invited him to your party. Can you take me back to how you met?

Aunt Sugar 4:15

I noticed the poor young man was on Facebook looking for a cookout to go to. It was very sad. He seemed quite lonely.

Marcus 4:27

Calling all cousins. I'm Delia's only son, and unfortunately, my mama's side of the family is tripping. They froze me out of the 4th of July cookout. Yes, @ Deja, I'm talking about you. If you're grilling and you have some room for one more, let me know in the comments. I'll bring the dominoes and the spades and the Uno. Extra points if you got lamb chops on the grill. (phone rings) Oh Lord. Decline. (phone ringsHey Big Momma.

Big Momma 5:02

Hey baby…how you doing?

Marcus 5:02

I’m alright. Deja’s not with you, is she?

Big Momma 5:02

Naw, but she is in the other room. Did you block her? She said she tried to call and couldn’t get through.

Marcus 5:02

I don’t want to talk to her right now. You OK? You need anything?

Big Momma 5:03

No, I don’t need nothing. I wanted to check on you. I know you and Deja have y’all issues, but Big Momma’s got you.

Marcus 5:03

Really? ‘Cuz I find it hard to believe Deja can stop me from coming over to the house this weekend. That’s your house. Now I can’t even see my own grandmother?

Big Momma 5:03

Now, now. You know Deja helps me out. I can’t have her mad at me. I’m sorry, but Big Momma can’t do it like she used to. She’s in charge of the invites now. I’ll tell you what though. She goes to her bowling league on Sundays. You come over after about six and I’ll have you a plate of her famous brisket.

Marcus 5:02

Nah, don’t you get in trouble with Auntie. I know how much she likes to count all the left overs. I got somewhere else to go anyway.

Big Momma 6:31

You do? Cause Deja said you were on the Bookface telling folks something else entirely.

Marcus 6:31

I don’t know what you mean, Big Momma, but I’m alright. I’ll come see you this weekend anyway. I miss you.

Big Momma 6:31

I miss you too, sweetie. You take care now. And one thing...

Marcus 6:32

Yes ma’am...

Big Momma 6:32

If you go to some of them other folks’ houses, just bring ‘em something, baby. Some chips, some cups, anything. You hear? Show ‘em my baby raised you right.

Marcus 6:32

Not everybody is as stingy as Deja, but I appreciate you. Have a good night. Love you!

Auntie Deja 6:32

Momma, you still in there? There’s a line for the bathroom forming.

Big Momma 6:32

Ooh, gotta go. Love you too!

Auntie Deja 6:32

Oh, really, you tagged me in this mess? Boy, wherever you go, don't try to take 10 to-go plates.

Marcus 7:44

Bloop. Deleted. Blocked.

Ex-Girlfriend 7:49

Poor Marcus. You don't have anywhere to go. You could have been over here with me, but you decided to flirt with my co-worker. Like they always say, even a golden retriever is still a dog.

Marcus 8:09

Deleted! Girl, get off my page. I haven't seen you since 2010. A DM? Maybe my boo wants to get back with me. Who is Sugar?

Aunt Sugar 8:26

Hey, little cousin. This is your Aunt Sugar. Not sure if you remember me, but I'm on your daddy's side. I was at your 10th birthday party when your mama hired that Batman to show up. But he broke his leg back flipping off the porch steps. Anywho, I saw your post. And it would be wonderful to see you again. We're cooking out for the Fourth, and all your cousins and their kids and many more will be there. Here's the address. 1026 Longdale Avenue. We're out in the burbs. Come on through. We'll put some lamb chops on just for you. Give my love to your mama's side. XOXO.

Greatmomma 9:16

Aunt Sugar. Marcus didn't know that name, but that didn't stop Marcus from wondering all the same. He clicked on the profile and took a peek. Let's just say Sugar's life was looking pretty sweet. There were photos of her house at the top of a big old hill. There was a big underground pool and a professional grill. She had a basketball court and even a sauna. Marcus wondered why he hadn't heard about these cousins from his own mama. His dad was never a fixture in his life, so that whole side of the family had paid the price. Marcus noticed Sugar had a son around his age she called Big E. Just from looking at their pictures, this was the place to be. Big Momma and Deja could stick to their tired rules. Marcus Allen had an offer he wouldn't refuse. It was the fourth of July, aka cookout day,. Marcus was heading to his cousins and he didn't come to play. He had on his best short set with his brand new sandals. He put his basketball in the car so he could show off his handles. His smell good was on 10, some vintage Drakkar Noir. He even added a spritz or two once he got in the car. He had his dominoes, a deck of cards all ready to play, and cookout tunes ready if he had to deejay. He had his trusty Tupperware to grab leftover food. He was humming and happy, in a very good mood. The only thing he didn't have was a single dish to contribute to the feast against Big Momma's one wish. But Aunt Sugar had assured him when he called to RSVP.

Marcus 11:10

All I need to bring to this cookout is me.

Greatmomma 11:14

It took him about an hour to follow the route. It was a gorgeous gated community with only one house. As Marcus parked in an open spot, his phone began to buzz. It was that damn Aunt Deja texting, asking where he was. He texted the address to gloat about his luck. Then the food smell filled his nostrils and he leaped out of his truck.

Marcus 11:41

Damn, it's like walking a football field.

Aunt Sugar 11:50

Hey Marcus! Oh my goodness. You look just like your picture. My. Have you grown. So handsome! Look, my son Eric is walking around to meet you. We call him Big E.

Big E 12:08

Man, I've got to change my diet. Can't even make it out the gate. Hey, hey, hey, cousin. So glad you made it. Nah, don't even bother going in the house. Meet me at the gate. This is where the action is.

Greatmomma 12:22

And Big E wasn't exaggerating. There were at least 100 folks, all friendly and smiling. Clearly, none of them broke. Marcus was really gloating in his mind. This was the side of the family he should have known this whole time. There was plenty of food. Everyone's plate was filled. The women were feeding the men first. Marcus got a sudden thrill. He had hardly made it into the gate when he was handed some mac and cheese. You could tell by the golden crust, the chef was gifted indeed. Next up, baked beans and deviled eggs galore.

Big E 12:59

Who made the potato salad?

Greatmomma 13:01

As soon as Marcus finished the dish, they loaded him up with more. Big E was leading a quick tour, introducing everyone in sight. They all seemed excited to meet him, responding with hugs and smiles so bright. T

Big E 13:17

That's Sheila.

Sheila 13:18

She's in from Atlanta.

Jason 13:20

Hey, Marcus. Good to meet you. No, I'm not making no ice run. I just got here.

Big E 13:24

That's Jason. He lived not too far.

Jason 13:27

Aunt Sugar has been talking about you all week.

Big E 13:31

That's little Kali. My baby. Her mama up and ran off a few years back. She kinda clingy, but a sweet girl.

Kali 13:40

Hey, Uncle Marcus. Can you teach me to play basketball?

Marcus 13:44

Of course. Unc got you. Meet you on the court about 10.

Kali 13:50

Yay! Daddy, I like this one!

Big E 13:53

Okay now, baby. Go on, get your shoes on. Woo wee! Here come JJ. This who really wants to meet you. He's our grill master.

JJ 14:04

Hey there. You Marcus? Good to meet you, man. You work out? You got me wanting to get back in the gym.

Marcus 14:11

Yeah, I heard you was gonna throw some lamb chops on for me. So you know if you want to hit the gym, I'm always down to spot.

JJ 14:18

Thank you, man. Yeah, let me go see about those chops.

Big E 14:25

Watch out now. Oh yeah. And that's the pool, of course. If you need some trunks, we got extras. And a shower over there so you can get the chlorine up off you. Barbecue and chlorine taste don't mix.

Marcus 14:39

And you know that's right.

Greatmomma 14:43

Marcus was having a fine time. So much that hours went by. He played horse with Kali and spades with the guys.

JJ 14:51

Kids, stop playing by the grill.

Greatmomma 14:53

The female relatives brought him plates while the men brought him shots. But he noticed nothing was on the grill. And it was almost four o'clock. Those chops JJ promised never seemed to appear. But Kali and E kept him talking, and Aunt Sugar bent his ear. It was about 30 minutes before he noticed he misplaced his phone. As he tried to look for it, Aunt Sugar wouldn't leave him alone.

Aunt Sugar 15:25

Oh, I'm sure it'll turn up. Don't you worry! I'll have some of the kids call it. Let them use those young legs to run around searching. But you know what? I'm getting tired of this blues music that JJ put on. Can you go over to the DJ table and get on that laptop, honey? Find some music we can dance to.

Marcus 15:49

Oh, you already know that, Aunt Sugar. Let me know when you find the phone.

Aunt Sugar 15:54

Absolutely. Kali, Darius, get off that game and come help me find your big cousin's phone. Whoever finds it gets a treat later tonight.

Kali 16:07

Aw, man. Okay.

Greatmomma 16:07

Marcus was in his element in DJ mode. He was feeling so seen and part of the fold.

Jason 16:22

Hey, yo, turn it up! I'm trying to get my dance on.

Greatmomma 16:23

He was busy picking songs. He forgot about the phone. But if he had seen it, he might have known. Aunt Deja had been reaching out nearly every hour and was panicked that his phone may have run out of power. She'd left three voicemails and none were returned. She was truly regretting that Marcus felt spurned. While she was struggling to get in touch, in an upstairs bedroom, Aunt Sugar and E made sure those messages were doomed.

Automated Voice 16:58

Three missed messages.

Auntie Deja 17:00

Nephew, I know you're mad at me, but I got something to tell you. Call me back.

Automated Voice 17:07

Message deleted.

Auntie Deja 17:10

Marcus, I know you see these missed calls. You are always on that stupid phone. Boy, you got one more time to ignore me.

Automated Voice 17:20

Message deleted.

Auntie Deja 17:23

Marcus, call me back right now!!! I've been talking to our family. And nobody, and I mean nobody, but one person knows Aunt Sugar. And to tell you the truth, they said she is really strange. They say she did something weird at your birthday party. Her and her little cockeyed son. Call me now!!! I don't want to say it in a message.

Automated Voice 17:51

Message deleted. You have no new messages.

Aunt Sugar 17:55

E, erase all those silly ass texts too.

Big E 17:58

You got it, mama. But why I gotta be cock-eyed.

Aunt Sugar 18:02

You are not cock-eyed, baby. Don't you worry. And while you're in there, see if Miss Thang's address is in his contacts. I might pay her a visit talking shit about my son. Oh, come on, come on. Hurry up. Y'all, y'all taking too damn slow. Kick it under the bed. Hurry. Who is it?

Marcus 18:25

Hey, Aunt Sugar. So sorry to disturb you. The kids say they can't find the phone. They told me you were up here.

Aunt Sugar 18:31

Sorry, baby. I'm changing into a swimsuit because I want to take a little dip. I'll meet you out back outside by the pool, okay?

Marcus 18:40

Yeah, for sure. It's just I wanted to check in on Big Momma. You remember her?

Aunt Sugar 18:45

Big Momma. Hmm.

Marcus 18:47

Yeah, my mother's mother. You met her at my birthday party, right? We always held big events at her house down in Pill Hill.

Aunt Sugar 18:56

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes, Big Momma. Wonderful woman.

Marcus 19:02

Did my dad take you all over there?

Aunt Sugar 19:04

Uh, no. I didn't know your daddy that well. I think your mother invited us. In fact, your dad might have been mad when we came. We didn't really get along.

Marcus 19:17

Really? I heard my daddy was really friendly.

Aunt Sugar 19:20

Yeah, but you didn't know that first hand, huh?

Marcus 19:26

Whoa. I guess you're right about that. Uh, I'll uh I'll see you outside then.

Greatmomma 19:35

As soon as Marcus got outside, he fell deep into thought. He wasn't even excited by the dishes folks brought. He tasted some macaroni salad, tried spaghetti with cheese, but the grill was still warming up, no sign of meat. He couldn't help but notice how Aunt Sugar's voice had gone cold when talking about his father, and he found that quite bold. Even his mother, where there was no love lost, had never spoken of his dad with that level of frost. He was pondering leaving, just hitting the road. But first things first, he had to find his phone. As if on the same wavelength, Kali ran to his side. She held his phone in her palm, but unfortunately, it had died.

Kali 20:24

Big cousin! Big cousin! Here goes your phone. You want to play hide and seek with me and Darius?

Marcus 20:29

Kali, honey, look, I think I might leave soon. But I really enjoyed meeting you.

Kali 20:36

Don't go, big cousin! They always leave me.

Marcus 20:40

What? Who leaves you?

Big E 20:42

Little girl, if you don't stop them crocodile tears, what is wrong with you bothering your big cousin? Now go on in the kitchen. Grandma says she has some cake for you.

Marcus 20:52

Aunt Sugar is in the kitchen? Oh good. I was about to bounce. I'll come say goodbye.

Big E 20:56

Goodbye? No, no. We ain't even put the meat on yet.

Marcus 21:02

I noticed this big dog, and believe me, this food is great, but I'm starting to get hungry. These carbs got my stomach growling. You hear that? I gotta get up out of here.

Big E 21:12

Oh no, no, cuzzo. We cannot let you leave yet. Nobody leaves one of our parties hungry. I'm so sorry. I told my brother to stop by Squawk and Squeal on his way in from work, but his supervisor is tripping. He's on the way now. I just talked to him.

Marcus 21:30

It's not just that. I'm actually feeling kind of tired. I had a great time, but I think a brother just getting old.

Big E 21:37

I don't want to beg. Come on through to the kitchen. Follow me.

Greatmomma 21:45

Marcus was relieved that Big E seemed to understand. He didn't want to leave the wrong impression. He really liked that man. And getting to know this side of the family meant a lot. So he slid his phone in his pocket. And he broke into a trot. He tried his best to follow Big E, for whom the crowd seemed to part like the Red Sea. But when Marcus tried to catch up, folks were stepping in his way. It was weird the way it was happening. He hardly knew what to say.

Marcus 22:18

Watch out now. I almost elbowed you.

Sheila 22:22

My bad. This playlist you made got me moving. Didn't see you there, cousin.

Jason 22:27

Hey man, wanna hit the dominoes one more time?

Marcus 22:30

Damn, you tripped me, bruh. Next time, Playboy. Next time.

Jason 22:36

Oh yeah, next time for sure.

Greatmomma 22:39

Lastly, young Kali grabbed onto his waist. He tried to move her out of the way, but he was now walking in place.

Kali 22:47

Baby girl, what are you doing? No, don't go to the kitchen. I don't want you to go yet.

Marcus 22:52

I'll be back. When's the next cookout?

Kali 22:54

It'll be someone else's turn then.

Marcus 22:57

What? Okay, Kali, go find Darius. We'll play horse one more time before I go. Give you a chance t o win your little dollar back.

Kali 23:06

Okay, bye, big cousin.

Marcus 23:09

Not bye. See ya later.

Greatmomma 23:13

With Kali off his heels, Marcus was able to close the distance. He got to the door, admiring his own persistence. Inside, he could see that Aunt Sugar was at the stove, Big E was at the fridge, but they weren't alone. At least five other people were standing in his way. And at the head of it, holding a butcher knife, was none other than JJ.

Marcus 23:38

So now you want to start working on the lam b chops? Just my luck. Hey, Aunt Sugar. Hey everybody, excuse me. Can I get by? JJ. Bruh. You wielding that thing like a weapon. Watch out now.

Aunt Sugar 23:58

I hear you're leaving us already?

Marcus 24:00

Yeah, I got a little tired. I think it was all this running around and dancing and that delicious food giving me the 'itis.

Aunt Sugar 24:07

I know that's right. I feel so embarrassed though. Inviting you to the cookout and you didn't get anything off the grill. JJ is legendary for his skills. I just have to make sure you experience it at least once before you go.

Marcus 24:26

It's okay, Aunt Sugar. I'll be back. Maybe like Labor Day or something like that. Labor Day good? Sure. That sounds good. Give your auntie a big hug. Aunt Sugar? Aunt Sugar, you you're holding me kind of tight. I can't move my arm.

Aunt Sugar 24:46

I'm so sorry about this, baby. But everybody is famished. We tried to let you have as much fun as possible, especially since we saw how your mama's dirty side of the family did you.

Marcus 24:58

What the hell are you talking about? Let me go.

Kali 25:03

Let him go, let him go. Daddy, help him. I like this one. He's my friend.

Marcus 25:10

This one?

Big E 25:10

Okay, Kall. Daddy's got him. Mama, let him go. Kali, go wait outside.

Kali 25:18

But Daddy!

Big E 25:20

What did I say? Go.

Marcus 25:26

Hey, I know hunger makes people crazy. But what is wrong with y'all? JJ, don't walk up on me, dude, for real. I promise. This ain't what you want, homeboy.

Big E 25:36

Listen, listen, man. It's nothing personal. Like mama had said, we really enjoyed your company. But it's really rude not to serve your guests. We're running out of time.

JJ 25:52

Damn, you were right. He is really tender. We're gonna eat good tonight.

Marcus 25:58

Ah, help! Somebody help!

Aunt Sugar 26:02

You are so right. We should get some help. Sheila, Jason, Paula, Aaron! Get yourt asses in here! Help us get him on the spit.

Sheila 26:11

I call the leg!

JJ 26:12

Low and slow is the only way to go. Quit fighting. Just relax. It will all be over soon.

Jason 26:18

Not too much sauce on him. We don't want to burn him now.

Partygoers 26:21

Marcus! Marcus! Marcus!

Marcus 26:24

Hey y'all, stop now! Why don't y'all let me go to my Squawk and Squeal and get y'all some rip tips? They got a sale on oxtails. Come on, man.

Auntie Deja 26:47

Yeah, yeah, I I think it's up in here. This weird looking gate, right right here. Hurry up. Oh my lord, did you hear that? I think it's Marcus! He's screaming. Rick, you got that thang on you.

Cousin Rick 27:12

Yup yup.

Auntie Deja 27:13

All right. Let's go.

Marcus 27:26

Let me go, you crazy motherfuckers, man. Y'all are sick.

Aunt Sugar 27:30

Is he still talking? Stick an apple in his damn mouth.

Auntie Deja 27:35

You better not stick shit in my nephew's mouth. You insane cannibal. Back up. Who is this bitch? I'm Deja. Allen. But Auntie Deja to you. Get my nephew down from there! I brought every YN cousin in our family. And we will we will swiss cheese every single one of you Hills Have Eyes bastards.

Aunt Sugar 28:04

E, get them!

Big E 28:09

No!!!! Mama!

Aunt Sugar 28:12

E! That's my son, you crazy bastard! I'll kill your black ass.

Auntie Deja 28:18

I know it was your son. I remember his crossed out eyes. But don't worry. Hmm. You'll be going with him.

Aunt Sugar 28:28

Get him! What are you idiots standing there for?

JJ 28:32

Ain't nobody here hungry enough to get shot. You should have made the eventbrite private.

Aunt Sugar 28:36

Get...get back here and help me!

Jason 28:38

Hell no, I ain't going back inside. I'm out of here.

JJ 28:42

Shh. Everybody be quiet.

Marcus 28:44

Thank you. Thank you so much for coming to get me.

Auntie Deja 28:48

Are you crazy? You are my sister's only child. There is no way I'd let these psychopaths take you from us. Don't talk though. Save your strength. We'll get you out of here.

Cousin Rick 29:02

We got you, Slime. Hold on to my shoulder. Hands up, don't reach for nothing.

Marcus 29:06

Wait, wait, there's something I gotta get.

Auntie Deja 29:09

Boy, I know you better not be trying to bring none of this food home. God knows what's in it.

Marcus 29:17

No, no, this is not food. I see why you said that, though. That mac and cheese was hitting. But yeah, no idea what that meat was in the spaghetti.

Greatmomma 29:35

Aunt Deja and the YNs got my nephew out in time. They took him straight to the hospital and things turned out fine. But they didn't want that crazy family to escape or flee, so they called the police expeditiously. Aunt Sugar was shot so she couldn't rush anywhere. Her son was dead and guests were scattered. But still, she prepared. She put on a red cookout shirt to cover where she was hit. When she saw the responding officer, she was all warmth and wit.

Police Officer 30:11

Ma'am, I'm sorry to disturb you. But when is the last time you saw Marcus Allen?

Aunt Sugar 30:17

Please don't call me, ma'am. Everyone calls me Aunt Sugar. Marcus. Marcus, oh yes. He's such a sweet boy. He stopped by for the fourth, but there were so many of us here. I don't even know what time it was when he left.

Police Officer 30:37

Well, ma'am, it appears that Mr. Allen suffered an injury here in this house. And I've got a warrant to enter and inspect the premises.

Aunt Sugar 30:47

Let me see that. Huh? I can't quite read this. You mind if I get my glasses?

Police Officer 30:54

Ma'am, don't reach for anything.

Aunt Sugar 30:55

Well, how do you expect me to see this? Especially in this dim light.

Police Officer 31:00

Ma'am, don't reach. Ma'am, knife! Knife! We've got a suspect shot. I repeat, suspect drew a weapon, a meat cleaver. Suspect down. Send ambulance to 1026 Longdale Avenue. Oh my God. Looks like another body over here. On a spit.

Greatmomma 31:35

We are all grateful that Marcus survived the cookout from hell. He learned from the experience, and we can all tell. First thing, he deleted his Bookface account. If he had other deranged relatives, he didn't want to find out. Two, he stopped accepting random invitations. He hangs only with close family, no hesitation. Three, when he healed enough to come outside and attend our events, he has Kali by his side. Four, he never shows up with empty hands. He brings whatever the occasion demands. He learned how to cook, so by Thanksgiving Day, he made mac and cheese and brought a whole tray. At least three 12 packs, paper plates, and cups, and if we run out of anything, he'll go pick it up. He and Aunt Deja became the closest of kin. Kali and Deja, he doesn't play about them. And he is always on watch because in that July 4th confusion, we don't know what happened to the other cannibals at the family reunion. So he keeps our family close and within his sight and defends us with every scrap of his might. It's been years with no issues, and we won't get caught lacking. It's been a while since we've attended a cookout not packing. But here's a warning for you. If you don't want to die with regrets, remember there are some invites you never accept. For the love of God and the sake of your health. Never attend a cookout where all you bring is yourself. Tune in to the next episode of Home for the Holidays, season two. The privilege. It's something that usually brings money, power, and prestige. But when one woman joins a secret organization offering the privilege, the gift quickly becomes a curse. Myth Lab Entertainment presents Home for the Holidays, a new horror comedy anthology. Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.